The Sensuality Deception, Balancing Hormones and the Head

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex carries enormous meaning and consequences.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).

B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to extremely tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of destination, enjoyment, closeness, wellness, and love .

When issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is terrific!" They more than likely would not confess, but Our site they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, says that a number of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in city areas, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. Lots of gay guys wish to discover from the beginning if a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".

Nevertheless, North includes, "I presume this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow gradually.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!

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